Choosing solo travel leads to a lot of questions, even from your most well-meaning friends and family. Many don't understand why someone would choose solo travel. But even the people who get it struggle to make peace with the logistics. I've been called brave for my adventures more times than I can count, but really I'm just not willing to put my life on hold while I try to find people to experience it with. Read on to learn my case for solo travel or why I think traveling alone can be a perfect option for those seeking new experiences and perhaps a bit of self-healing along the way. I promise, solo travel isn't as intimidating as you think it is.
Who Shouldn't Choose Solo Travel
Before I jump right into it, let's get the obvious out of the way. If the thought of eating at a restaurant by yourself intimidates you, and you never do fun things on your own, solo travel might not be for you. Solo travel requires that you be comfortable by yourself in the vast majority of social experiences. People struggling with social anxiety or codependence may find it more taxing than enjoyable. Actually, if you feel intense aversion to the idea of traveling alone (as I once did), it might just be a sign that you need to reclaim your space, your independence, and your passions.
Working up to Solo Travel
Before my husband died, we travelled everywhere together. As he got sick, more and more things rested on my shoulders. I was not very independent when we first met, but necessity made me strong. I overcame my fear of driving long distances, and then, driving in cities. As his body and mind deteriorated, I took on more and more of the weight of our lives. In that last year, even in the midst of the struggle, I couldn't help realizing I was stronger than I thought.
Our cruises together were all in the last year of his life, and he was quite sick at the time. There were several days he stayed in the room resting. I stayed with him sometimes, but he encouraged me to go enjoy myself. It was hard getting out there and doing fun things alone, but a cruise ship was the perfect place to do it. I woke up early to make sure we got a good shady spot on the upper deck before waking him up and helping him get there. I went to dinner by myself in the main dining room and brought him back his favorite meals like wifely room service. I went dancing in the evenings after tucking him into bed.
Having fun by myself on the cruises opened my eyes. I realized I never actually did fun things by myself in regular life. Just a few months before he died, perhaps in a moment of premonition, perhaps just by luck, I decided to take myself on a solo date. I spent the whole day exploring my own community through new eyes, doing all the things I wanted to do without needing to appease anyone else's tastes. I visited a new coffee shop, went to a new beach, spent time thrifting, walked around local garage sales, and even rode a bike for the first time in decades.
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After my husband died, I looked back on these experienced and saw how they had prepared me for life without him. I knew that eventually, I would find joy again, even if it was on my own.
My Journey of Traveling Alone
I've been a traveler my whole life, but until last year, I had never really traveled alone. When death stole my travel companion, I cancelled the cruises we had scheduled. I couldn't bear the idea of cruising without him. But when an opportunity came up to spend a couple months back where we had lived (and where he died) last summer, I took it. This was my first taste of traveling alone, and it was to a familiar place that felt like home. But now it was like the solo date I took myself on, but for 6 whole weeks. I explored the area anew. I took myself out to dinner and drinks. I went to open mic nights. I got comfortable being alone.
I also made friends. It turns out that traveling alone doesn't mean you spend all of your time by yourself. Solo travel leads to new connections and friendships you would not have found otherwise. There's an openness and receptivity we have to people when we are alone that just can't be achieved when we travel in pairs or groups.
With a little bit more experience and a lot more healing under my belt, I decided to do a bigger trip at the end of last year, crossing off my bucket list Amtrak trip and my first solo cruise. It was a wonderful experience and gave me the confidence to book a solo trip so big that even I was almost too intimidated to do it.
My Biggest Solo Travel Trip
I just returned from my epic journey, a round trip transatlantic cruise with a mediterranean cruise in the middle. It was a 6.5 week, fully solo cruise adventure. I traveled by train on either end of the cruise and spent a total of over 2.5 months away from home. Admittedly, I wasn't by myself in my pre-cruise and post-cruise travels, but the train rides and cruise were fully solo. Don't worry, I have several upcoming posts planned to share the amazing destinations and experiences I had along the way.
Is traveling alone safe?
Sleeping on a train is the most vulnerable thing I've done, but even there, I have always felt relatively safe. I was really worried about traveling alone in another country. Not knowing the language, concerns about pickpockets and other crime, and just the general fear of the unknown kept me from wanting to spend the time between transatlantic cruises in Southern France like I originally considered. Knowing what I know now, I would probably feel comfortable even navigating something like that -- though it isn't on my to do list.
Traveling abroad felt much safer than I expected. Of course, I took the normal precautions. I never left my phone sitting on a table or bench where it could be grabbed. I kept my bags ON me at all times, with my cross-shoulder bag in front of me, often under my sweater. When approached by vendors trying to sell things or even beggars, I hid my humanity with every ounce of restraint I had, saying "no thank you" forcefully and not giving them an opportunity to keep distracting me in case it was a pickpocketing situation.
Solo Travel Experiences
I planned not to get off the ship by myself. For the most part, I was always able to find new friends to explore with and often found cool experiences I wouldn't have tracked down on my own by doing so. Most days, we just explored the port where the ship was docked, but when we were in Livorno, Italy, we took a taxi and several trains to visit Lucca and Pisa. This DIY excursion was incredibly empowering, and it made me realize that I was more capable of navigating a foreign country than I realized.
When I got to Alicante just a couple days into the final cruise and hadn't made friends yet, I took myself on a solo date in Spain. I'd already explored the city with friends on the first cruise, and we'd found a wonderful little restaurant with amazing sangria, paella, and tapas. One of them recommended the vinegar anchovies over potato chips which sounded disgusting but ended up being the best thing I ate the whole trip. So my rainy day in Alicante was spent walking the short distance from the trolley stop to the restaurant and eating my last meal in Spain alone while people watching. Even in the rain after a pitcher of sangria, I made it back to the ship without incident, feeling incredibly empowered.
At our last European port stop, I had the tour guide drop me off in the city center of Gibraltar so I could have some fish, chips, and mushy peas before finding my way back to the ship. My friends all went straight back to the boat, but I ended up making new friends during my meal. A couple from another cruise ship bought the whole table's meal, and the other lady at the table was also traveling solo on the same ship as me. I ran into her several times throughout our return transatlantic crossing.
Cruising Is a Good Entry to Solo Travel
Solo travel is more common than you think, especially on cruise ships. Even with the financial drawback of having to pay double occupancy rates, many people, especially women, choose to cruise alone. Cruising is a great entry to solo travel because there are so many things to do and so many aspects that are taken care of for you. Excursions make sightseeing easy, and you only have to worry about navigating transportation if you choose to explore independently. It is a safe environment -- though vigilance is still required. Bad things do happen on cruise ships like everywhere else, but I've never felt unsafe on a cruise ship.
The most accessible aspect of cruising for solo travelers, though, is the community. It is easy to make new friends on a cruise, especially a long one that is over 7 days. The vibe is very much "summer camp for adults" which makes it easy to plug into an existing group or connect with other independent travelers. I think this community element is one of the main reasons I met so many widows and widowers on the cruises.
Why do people choose solo travel?
I talked to a lot of solo travelers on this journey, and they all had different reasons for choosing to travel alone. Some people said they enjoy the independence of traveling solo. There's nobody to negotiate with when planning an itinerary and no chance of having a fight that sidetracks part of your trip. You don't have to share a tiny room and actually get some privacy. You have the space and energy to make new friends.
But several people were in situations more similar to mine. They would have preferred a friend to travel with, but nobody in their life had the free time and/or the desire to get out and see the world. These people eventually came to the same conclusion I did: it's not worth missing experiences just because you can't find someone to share them with.
Should I try traveling alone?
In my mind, solo travel is for three different groups of people. Independent travelers who just enjoy doing things alone will obviously enjoy solo trips because of the privacy and freedom. It was so nice meeting these independent travelers in my journey because they helped normalize what everyone else in my life seemed to view as an anomaly.
Those who have more free time than the other people in their lives will also enjoy solo travel because it opens up opportunities to do things without having to wait for someone else's availability. This is particularly freeing because solo travel allows you to experience all the things and explore all the places you want without having to compromise anything.
The third group of people who might enjoy solo travel is the group I believe would likely benefit from it the most. Those who are looking to overcome anxiety and codependence might be surprised how much they enjoy independent travel, but it will be the reward of knowing you can do it that changes things. You may want to work up to a big trip like the epic one I just took, but solo travel can be incredibly empowering. At least it has been for me.
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